Untarnished - From the lady's heart...

And she remembers...

"I don't want to be a drama queen, you really know I'm not into that stuff. But things you did always motivated me, always made me smile when I was hurt. Remember the first time you just sat beside me and I was crying in class? You just put your arms around my shoulder. You didn't ask me what I was sad about, you knew that would make me cry more. You just sat there while I sobbed. It was a cold winter day and I was shivering. You told me it was going to be OK. Told me that you believed in me. And you left me your jacket and told me to sit alone for a while. I still have that jacket. I guess you forgot and I never wanted to give it back.

You took those seminars in class, I wasn't listening. I was looking at you. Most of the days, you were absent from class and I didn't always get to see you. You were always lazy, so I submitted some of your assignments, I signed your attendance. You never knew. You were just busy making everyone smile and happy. The day your best friend back stabbed you, I was there, watching those tears in your eyes while you wouldn't let them fall. When you fell off your bike one day and hurt yourself, I sat beside you in the hospital till you woke up, I hid myself away among the other friends and my voice was drowned behind their hearty hugs. When you wouldn't close that window next to your bench when it started to rain, because you loved the feeling of the cold summer rain against your face, I sat at the other corner of the lecture hall, feeling the rain in your heart. When you would walk along those corridors, I would know from the scent of the perfume you would wear, though I never really liked that perfume.

When everyone hung on to the arms of their lovers when going home on weekends, I watched you kick a little Pepsi can in the rain, all the way from class till your bike. Among all those colorful umbrella's and blend of uniforms, you couldn't spot me when you looked back. I waved at you when I was leaving in the bus, you ran behind the bus like I always hoped you would do for me, but then I blushed when it was to simply hand over a book to a friend. I would listen to the rhythm of the back bench guys beating on the benches in between class hours. I knew you were always the one who didn't have a tune to beat to and it would be irritatingly distinct. I remember the songs they sung and the one's you loved humming. I hung out with you, sat beside you on that college tour we had. When you slept your head found it's niche on my shoulder. I did cry when everyone made fun of us and I still have the photo they took of us. I remember how someone jokingly dared you to propose to me on stage on our college foundation day. I still remember the thorn on the stem of the rose you held in your mouth had cut your tongue. It was a painful proposal for you. I tried not to laugh, I tried not to cry, I tried not to blush. But you were boring anyway.

I watched you sing for our farewell but never told you how wonderful it was. I still remember the last day when everyone were signing on each other's shirts. I had this new dress and wouldn't let anyone sign on it. But I let you sign when you asked with a cute frown on your brow and you drew a big heart and wrote Captain Jack Sparrow's favorite dialog to Elizabeth Swan: "It would never have worked between us, darling" I knew you were a movie buff, but somehow the words' seemed right. I have loved you, over the years. I have enjoyed how you wouldn't ever eye me or touch me wrong. I loved the respect you gave me. I loved the hug you gave me before we all parted. It still lingers around me... I scribbled on your shirt that I hated you and wished you would know what I meant. I wanted to kick you when you signed lady Laura's dress with "Will you marry me?" but I knew you'd never liked her all that much except that she looked too good. Maybe I won't find that 'you' in years to come. I may not have been that 'her' that you have always wanted. I just wanted you to know that you were my everything and you will always be...

"But it would never have worked between us darling...." "