Moving On...

Hey everyone... Thanks for visiting my blog and for all the support in the comments! I'm moving to a little personal space: www.vijayvm.com Hope to see you all there! Thanks!

Shadows in the Rain...

"Stay with me, don't fall asleep too soon" He whispered, wishing she'd hear him. The room plunged into silence as the song he was playing came to an end. In the distance, voices and laughter echoed from neighborhood homes...

Miles away... She was cold. Outside, the mercury was falling fast. She rummaged for some warmth within her soul, in its bits and pieces, for her heart was now just a muscle with an impulse and it seemed helpless against the cold. There was no sense of belonging about the home, just like all the men in her life, empty...  From those who eyed her to the one who bothered only about the disgrace from a called-off marriage rather than what she felt and then the guy who her dad pointed at; little too late had she realized that she should have said 'no' when she still had a chance. Down the line was a failed marriage, a fight and a miscarriage...  

The doorbell rang, disturbing her array of thoughts, her eyes sliding into focus from looking at the crevices in the ceiling. It was a package from work. She needed to get there. "Like they'd care if it’s a Sunday", she thought to herself. She stepped into the shower, closing her eyes and feeling the warmth of the water spread across her body. She wanted someone to hug her and simply tell her everything was alright. Nothing was wrong or just about everything was. She couldn't tell.

The office was empty, like she wanted it to be. The chair creaked as she dragged it to her table, punching in her password on her computer. Her cell phone held a few messages from people who complained about how disconnected she was. "Miss you" Oh she had seen that before from him. A friend who had been part of a past she couldn't forget. 'Lol' she wrote, not knowing what else to say. She didn't feel the need to acknowledge that he missed her. She knew how he felt about her. But she couldn't live up to anyone's expectations. "Thought you had slept", he replied. "Work. Work. Work" she replied.

Hours passed. The only sound was her typing furiously. "How long had she been there?" she wondered. Yawning and stretching, she sat back in her chair. She remembered a fine morning when he had called her first, referenced by a mutual friend. Weeks and months and they had connected well... She felt he was different. Someone who was far more respectable than most guys she had met in her life. But her fate had indeed been sealed before and there was no point bringing him into an equation of nothingness. Only discretely, he filled some void that fate seemed to always empty, but she felt safer denying to herself that he ever did. But without asking, he regarded her and remembered her for who she was...

The silence seemed overwhelming now. The ticking of the clock seemed like mini explosions to him. It was past midnight and he couldn't sleep. Cold air crept in from the gap under the main door. The scent of the earth accented rain. The lights turned off in each of the houses as he walked on, clad in a jacket, on a road seemingly stretched to eternity…

She thumbed down a cab to get to her home, drenched in the wait for one. The nasty weather seemed a good excuse for drivers to charge more. “To the subway then”, she sighed. Steam rose from the sewers in the street as if all of hell was beneath them. Streets seemed lifeless, devoid of its usual glamour in the mornings, now gaping at the crevices in the road filled with the blackness of the night.

The frozen steel handrail on the subway stairs gave her frostbite. She winced with pain as she inched closer to the ticket counter. Bleary eyed with the wind, she sat on the cold platform bench. The subway was almost empty this winter night, except some movement of the platform labors moving cargo and the coffee shop nearby that smelled wonderful. "Coffee!", she felt delighted. Someone quietly sat beside her at the corner of the bench, gazing at her. She felt weird. Despite her evident discomfort, the man continued to stare at her. She grabbed her purse and walked a little way closer to the station master’s cabin.

“You know, the streets are rough and you shouldn't be out this late at night on an empty station.” Someone said from behind her. She didn't have to turn. The voice was familiar. Not sure what to say, she remained silent. “5 Years, long time", he said. She turned around and tried to smile, her hair spreading behind her in the wind. “Yep. You look older than the pictures” she said. "Coffee?" he asked, holding out a cup. She took the cup almost immediately. The heat spread across her palm like the fog engulfing the winter night. She took a sip, the warmth was overwhelming, spreading into her with the sweetness of honey that she got lost for a moment. "Oh. I'm sorry, I..." She said, embarrassed that she didn't even ask about him. He smiled. 

The train arrived, hissing and bringing a gush of hot air into the station. She found this warmth a welcome relief. They got onto the train. He sat beside her, asking her about things, catching up with life in general. She preferred to respond briefly, looking outside from the window across them, at stations and at the tunnel they zoomed past. They remained silent till they reached the station.

They walked together. She had gotten rough, from everything life had to offer. And beauty sleep seemed a rare phenomenon these days. “So why is it you don’t reply to my messages? I tend to wait for your reply sometimes.” He asked, breaking the silence. “Don’t wait. Simple.” She remarked. He walked with her all the way home. “You've changed”, he said as she walked in and he stood at her doorway.

“Aren't you going to come in?” she asked, ignoring his earlier remark. He took off his shoes and walked in to the living room. She pressed the button on the kettle in the room, turning her back to him, engulfed in silence. “You know, I can’t be what everyone wants me to be.” She said, as if in an afterthought. “See, I don’t talk to you because I expect something from you. I talk to you because you are you and I love you the way you are... All I ever wanted was for you to be yourself with me, if I ever deserved it.” He said, calmly.

She walked into her room, sat down on her bed, staring down at the carpet. She didn't know who she was, amidst people who wished to customize her suiting to their needs. He stood at the doorway. “May I come in?” he asked. She remained silent. He looked into her eyes, holding her hands in his. You're cold" he said, rubbing her palms with his. "Don't. I can take care of myself. Thank you" She said, pulling her hands away...

He smiled. He put his arms around her, holding her close to him. Warmth spread into her as she could feel his heart against hers. Thawing the cold, her face seemed to return to its real color. His breathing seemed to tickle the hair at the back of her neck. She could feel it in the strength of his arms that he'd missed her... "Everything is going to be alright. I believe in you", he whispered in her ear. She closed her eyes. She felt the weight of her chest draining into his. She didn't know how long he had held her. There was a click of the kettle as the water boiled…

Gently kissing her cheek, he stood up to leave, assuring her that he'd be there if she needed anything. "You'll be around?" she asked, her words partly caught under her breath. "I never left", he said, smiling warmly. She watched through the window as he walked on, out into the rain. He hopped into the big puddles, splashing water like a little child. She wiped her window pane, clearing the fog that had settled on it. He then stopped and waved at her, little embarrassed about what she had seen him do. A tear glistened in her eyes and dried half way as it rolled down her cheek. "He likes rain", she remembered, smiling and waving back at him...

Where the Winds Call...

I've seen you watching the shadows with unseeing eyes, trying hard to sleep at night, awaiting the remnants of a half remembered dream...

Sometimes I watch the sweat trickle down your neck or your eye lashes twitching when you're asleep. Your eyes move beneath your eye lids and your lips are smiling. I've pondered this dream you've tried to explain to me but had I no time amidst my corporate tales. You breathed in when I brawled, like mother did, every time father would get angry at her when I was just a child. Like her, you created an ever growing space around you, absorbing all the negative energy.

You quietly slept when I pondered over your words, re-read them and rebuilt them in permutations. I peaked into your recollection about when you first fell in love with me. Then about how you felt that you were but a prisoner of that love. You wept while I reaped the happiness of your sacrifices. You cared for me while I was busy ignoring your silent pleas. You spared your dreams when I was locking you and pulling you along in mine...

I watched you shiver as your slender arms were wrapped around yourself in the cold. Had I hogged up the covers again? And I remembered the first time I held an umbrella all for you so you wont get wet on that rainy night you blushed and said "yes" to me...  I remembered the smile on your lips that had vanished over the years from being what everyone wanted you to be. I remembered how you loved the windows open at night but you'd learnt to leave it closed because I didn't want you to dream. I'd found my calling but I never realized how you'd left yours for me...

When I pulled every inch of you for myself, I've seen you watching the shadows with unseeing eyes, awaiting the remnants of that half remembered dream... I've pondered your dreams over and over again. I've tucked your hair behind your ears so I could see your smile. I've left the windows open tonight for I wanted you to think beyond me. I let the wind blow your hair like how you've always liked it. I wanted to remind myself that I didn't own you just because you were once a  dream come true.

I fell asleep, letting you go free because I loved you so and whatever I did, I did because I didn't know... When I woke up, the windows were closed. But you were smiling at me...

PREMONITION

He felt the plunge, but it was like gravity waited for him to see her. There she was, by the window, looking down with a sudden strain on her face. Her hair kept blowing over her face as her mouth curved into saying "NO". He couldn't hear her voice as he fell, the sound of the wind filling his ears, but he kept looking at her...  His heart pounded, time slowing down to each beat, tears rose from his eyes, lost in the stillness above as he fell... "Swear you'll always be with me?" he remembered asking her. He clenched his eye lids tight, reminiscing her voice, "Yeah I will"... He remembered no more.  

"No red lights for me today!", he exclaimed to himself as he ran a red light by the alley. He didn't know where he was going. His phone kept ringing. It was Ellie. He cranked the volume on the car audio to avoid her.  The blaring speakers drowned out the scream of a little girl across the street. The car tail lights lit up imminently, the screeching of the car as loud as his own heartbeat...

He sat down in his cabin, frowning at the long list of sticky posts that decorated his notice board. His colleague smiled at him. "They say you're the one who's going to be the next GM. So stow the belly ache will you now?"  He buried his head in his arms for a few seconds, listening to the silence, broken only by the occasional rustling of the air conditioner. "What if everything just went wrong at the last moment?", he thought... 

The phone rang at his apartment. Uncle Jim called in to mention about Aurora, his estranged sister. "She's decided that she's getting married." There was no expression across his face. Uncle Jim's words voice were like mini explosions in his ear, somewhere along the lines, he was only able to make out the explosions of syllables like P, T... 

The bouquet fell from his hands. His heart skipped a few beats.  Ellie's room wasn't spick and span as before. Her favorite flower vase lay on the ground, broken into a million pieces. Her roses had been stepped on, dead and lifeless. Curls of her hair lay on the floor. He felt the strong sense of foreboding as he walked in. He called out to her, feeling the rise of the hair at the back of his neck. There was no sign of forced entry. He heard her shouting at someone in her room. Quickening his steps, he grabbed a broken piece of furniture, inching closer to her door...

"Aurora, can you get me the ketchup please?" He yelled over the sound of the game on TV. "Come get it yourself", she yelled back from the kitchen. He sneaked up to the kitchen and picked her up in his arms as she laughed. "You're growing heavier each day, Dad would have been so proud baby girl!" he said to his 15 year old sister, seating her on the table to have dinner. "Can we watch anything more sensible than thugs running after an oval shaped ball?" She said, changing the channel...

The car crashed into a nearby coffee shop. He had turned to avoid the little girl on the street. Clutching his forehead, he stepped out of the car. He saw the little girl lying on the side of the road, blood leaving her body. Tears streaming from his eyes, he ran, as fast as he could, pushing and shoving until he was lost in the crowd...

There was something strange about office on Monday morning. Everyone seemed silent. The weekend hangover held an abominable lull across their faces. Dodging those mindless drones as they were zombies lost in apocalypse, he inched closer to his cabin. An increased state of nihilism seemed to engulf him, questioning his purpose in life. He thought of the things that they all did just to get by. They worked on things they'd never wanted to do, for dreams they did not have, for achieving the dreams of the people they did not like. Life had become so very mechanical... His cell phone trembled in his pocket and pronouncing "Ellie" shortly after. Though it brought a smile on his face, he couldn't answer her now. The notice board reminded him. 

"I love this place." Ellie said, looking gleeful as ever. They sat by the park near their college, watching the sun drown behind the tall buildings in the city. The park was over a hill which made people and cars on the road down below seem smaller, less noisier. She rested her head against his shoulder, looking up at the sky, breathing in the fresh air. "You know I'm glad I decided to join this school." She said quietly but loud enough for him to hear. "Why?" he asked. She snuggled under his arm. "I met the biggest mistake in my life!" She said, giggling... 

"You'll never have time for me." Aurora snapped angrily as she was leaving home. Over the years, he'd managed to get home only late after work. It was her big day with her future in-laws and he had agreed to show up for dinner with them, after work. His boss had called him at the last moment to finish an assignment. He couldn't excuse himself for even a call...

Ellie stood breathless at a corner of her room. Broken articles were scattered all over the floor. There were deep shadows under her eyes, dark violet scars lining her face and tears streaming like he had never seen before.  The other guy in the room with her tried to pounce on him before he could say anything. Swinging the piece of log in his hand, he pinned him to the wall. His arms shivered, anger gripping him as he struck harder while Ellie tried to stop him. Suddenly, he shuddered, losing his strength. "I've wanted to tell you... We've been close... I don't know why..." Ellie said,  between her sobs... He did not wait to hear. Broken pieces of glass crunched under his shoes as we ran out of the room, ignoring her...

"Congrats, you deserve this." The pretty lady in the red dress shook hands with him as she handed  over a token of appreciation from the company.  He felt elated, for all the hard work he had put in had finally paid off. He couldn't wait to meet Ellie. He picked up flowers from the flower shop below her apartment later that evening. Running up the stairs impatiently to give her a surprise, he used the spare key he had to enter the room... 

What had he done? What was going on? He kept asking himself. Tired and weak, his knees swayed as he climbed up the stairs to his apartment. Ellie's words were drowning him. "You never deserved anything" he could hear Aurora in the back of his head. He thought of the little girl's body on the street...  Ellie's car pulled in, in front of his apartment. The curtains of the balcony swayed behind him as he watched her walk into the building... 

He could hear her calling, she had reached his apartment hall. Her voice was lovely as always. Closing his eyes, he let himself go off the ledge. He felt the plunge, but it was like gravity waited for him to see her looking out of the window of his apartment hall. The ruffles of her hair spread over her face hiding the scars beneath her eyes. He did not feel anything as he fell. He felt only the softness of her arms around him... 
He opened his eyes to see himself on the floor. Aurora barged in the bedroom door, short of breath, inquiring "What was all that noise about?" "Did my big bro fall off his bed?" she added laughing.  He sat up, still dazed.  It was still early on Sunday morning... 

It was late afternoon when Ellie finally emerged from her apartment. She didn't seem to be her jittery self today, quiet & intent on listening to the song on the radio. He looked at her with concern written all over his face. He was nervous himself, checking if the ring he bought for her was still there in his coat pocket. They would always go to the park over the hill, near their college. This weekend had to be their special day. 

Just as he stopped at a red light, an elderly lady and a little girl crossed the road. The little girl smiled and waved at them. Ellie seemed to notice. "Does she know you?", She asked.  He pondered for a few seconds, remembering her from the dream. A sense of premonition seemed to cross his mind...

"Swear you'll always be with me?" He asked. Attempting to strike up a conversation with Ellie, while they were seated at their favorite spot in the park. She pondered for a few minutes. The strands of her hair exposing a half healed cut on her neck. 

Looking at him, she smiled...

Faith

"There's my life caught up in this labyrinth", I thought, complaining about my job and the town I stayed in. I was driving along a black highway, with rain tinkering away on the dust embossed car. The distinct rhythm of the windshield wipers was now a cliché, for rains were not rare these days. They waved in unison, dropping down with a little thud and rising together, trailing away the so-it-would-seem tears of the sky on the windshield.  

The tires echoed the screams of the gravel, the rain flawlessly preventing the dust from rising. The trees cast eerie shadows, now holding the rain only to let them drip in huge drops pounding on the car roof. There was nervousness in the air, the chill rising and fogging the view forward. Something appeared ahead of the windshield, I slammed the brakes as hard as I could. The airbag echoed like a mini explosion, louder than the bang that the car made against the road divider. Shreds of glass emanated  from the windshield as the rest of it formed a sort of clouded web, preventing them from falling. The engine came into a muffled & abrupt stop. I sat back for a few moments, aching at the chest and wiping blood off my brow, trying to steady myself. 

The car was wrecked and wouldn't start again, the engine shuddering off each time I cranked it. Stepping out into the rain, I looked ahead. The house was just a mile away. The 'Garners' lived there, years ago, until they all died mysteriously in a fire one night, much like this one. Grabbing my camera, a flashlight, voice recorder and a little notebook, I walked on close to the divider to avoid any oncoming traffic, but no one would probably come around here at this time of night. I punched in a message to my editor, who had wanted me to write this story of the Garners. This case was the first of its kind in my 3 year career as a reporter and I wasn't very willing but it would earn me the much needed reputation at this point. My cell phone returned an error saying "Unable to send text message", which was no surprise because there was no reception in this part of town. I felt a strong sense of foreboding, that this lone walk through the woods was probably going to be just one way... 

The Garners home was magnificent. The structure was still standing despite it being made of wood and the fire had eaten away most of it before the firefighters shun it down. I struggled to climb onto the compound wall which held lose stones, only to see the gate collapse off its hinges. The house still smelled of soot, suffocating, a sudden sense of fatigue coming over me. I walked on, almost falling over a giant log that crumbled under my weight, wild rats chasing away at the sound. The ironically dead 'living' room was cluttered. Partially burnt furniture, broken pieces of window glass and logs from the collapsed ceiling added to the decor. What would I find here? What story was I going to write? I wondered. What had happened here? I had to switch to the facts. The police had reported two bodies that were retrieved from the site, one of a man probably in mid 40's and that of an old lady in her 80's. They were identified as Mrs. Garners and Mr. Anton Garners, her son. 

Mr. Garners had died several years ago in a car accident a little away from the house. The fire in the house was notified by a neighbor who later left the place 2 weeks after the incident. There was no clue about his whereabouts. Not many lived in this part of town and the Garners' incident had discouraged real estate to these parts recently. I walked up the staircase, holding on the feeble hand railing to support my weight on the stairs. Some of the stairs broke sinking my leg into them. Slowly, I managed to climb to the first floor somehow. 

The first room had the whole ceiling fallen in. The rain outside had not stopped, but the fresh air and moonlight were a welcome relief. Something was gleaming on the blackened wall as I pointed my flashlight at it. Gingerly, I wiped the soot off it to find a mirror. Suddenly, I flinched and took a few steps back as I found someone looking at me from the mirror. Almost tripping over the clutter, I looked again to find that there was a picture of a girl right across the room, opposite to the mirror. Catching my breath, I walked closer to the portrait. Surprisingly, the portrait had not sustained any damage. It was a picture of a girl in her mid-twenties, her hair dropping onto her shoulders and her eyes with a sense of pain in them, like they had something to say to me. There was a small sign below it that said "Happy Birthday to me, Sarah". Sarah? Who was she? There was no police record of finding her body. A hundred questions popped up in my mind. I recorded a description of the house, the room and about Sarah on my voice recorder. I decided that she would be the character of my story, I would tell this story through her. 

I searched her room for anything that said about who she was. I pulled out logs and roof tiles to find an iron box under her bed. Wrenching it out of the debris with all my might, I opened it to find clothes, a make-up set and a hand mirror in it. There was a little diary at the bottom that had "Faith" etched over it. There was a miniature portrait of her that had her signature "Sarah Sanders" behind it. She was beautiful. The pages in the diary only had her writing as "I was beaten today. I have no one to tell", which was repeated again on most of the days. Some pages were blank and some were bloodied, probably because she was hurt. I needed to know who she was and who was doing this to her. Could it be the inmates of the house? I clicked photos of what I could see. Searching the rest of the rooms had not revealed anything relevant. 

I sat down at my office table the next day, tired, trying to figure out what had happened. I played my tape several times to go through the facts again but that seemed futile. My voice seemed to have gone dull in some points of the recording and replaced by some kind of buzzing sound. I could not figure out what the noise was, probably an issue with the recorder. The police records on a girl named Sarah Sanders turned out to be null. I did background checks on Anton and Mrs. Garners but that returned nothing except that they were into farming and they occasionally visited the town hospital for Mrs. Garners' arthritis. Mr. Garners' accident several years ago happened at the same divider that I had collided against last night. The car I was in was wrecked pretty bad. I was simply lucky to be alive. 

Sarah became an obsession with me all day. I found myself thinking of her and searching on the internet to read about her. Later that night, I lay in bed, only to feel faint bruises on the sides of my arm below the shoulder. I got up to check myself in the mirror and was shocked to find hand imprints! I recounted the events of the previous night. I had a faint remembrance of being held tightly from the sides during my accident, as if someone was in my car behind me at that time. No! This didn't make any sense! I just had to be imagining things!

 Sleep was instant, my body drifted off as if in a dream. When I woke it was still late at night but I felt fresh. Sitting at the table, I checked the scars on my arms but they were gone. Ha! I was imagining. I tried to relax, listened to music but that didn't get my mind off Sarah. I plugged in a pair of earphones to listen to my recording of the previous night and along with that flipped the photographs that I took, one by one from each room. The buzzing sound that I heard was there again. I increased the volume to concentrate on it. "Chur" I suddenly heard a voice say. I plugged out the earphones to make sure I was alone. The more I listened to it, the more I heard the word, "Chur" and a slight whistle at the end of it... I didn't believe in ghosts or spirits. But I'm sure someone was saying something to me while I was there. 

I went back to the dilapidated remains of the Garners. The sky was clear from her room. I stood by the window, looking into the nothingness ahead. A gleam of light glistened somewhere far. It was strange. I did not know there were anyone who lived in the vicinity. I walked towards the light. The street was empty and dark but the light grew brighter. 'Chur'... I kept turning it my mind to think what this could be. The bitter cold sent occasional chill down my spine, my legs numbing... 

 Finally! The voice was trying to say "Church". Though I was trying hard to catch my breath, I couldn't help smiling as I looked up at the light from the church. The Church had been old with an adjacent graveyard. I was surprised how this didn't show up in any of the records. I walked in to see the father. The door creaked as if it wasn't opened in a long time. Large lamps overhead cast shadows from the benches below. "Father" I called out as my voice echoed throughout the church. The Father was silent and walked to the center of the hall, where I stood. "Yes, my child. I know why you have come". His deep voice echoing along the hallway. 

It didn't seem intelligible to me to ask him how he knew. This whole incident felt like it was being string pulled from heaven. The father led me to a grave stone, that said, "SARAH SANDERS" 1973 - 1999. She was married to Anton Garner, in this very same Parish. The father recounted, her daily confessions to him of being beaten and abused by her husband, the bruises on her hands from being tied up and assaulted. The husband believed "she was a sin and must be kept in chains".

We walked back to the Garner's house where the father revealed a chamber in the basement which had not taken any damage. There were beds with sheets covered in blood and shackles that were there to hold the victim. There were blood stained tools that could inflict pain. I felt I could hear Sarah's screams. I felt weak. "Why didn't you tell the cops or someone?" The father was silent. He walked into another chamber as I followed him. I felt something hard against the back of my head and fell to the ground. I could see blood trailing as he dragged me out of the chamber. The father removed his Cassock, revealing himself to be Anton Garners. "I inherited this when I killed father Gonzalez. She kept telling him everything. It had to be done. " he said, referring to the Cassock. ” Then I set the house on fire with him and mother in it" he said, chuckling in a half wheeze. 

Trying frantically to get up, I threw a pair of shackles at him. Grunting, he lunged at me but a chandelier hanging off the roof fell upon him. I gathered all my might to crawl to the door, which shut itself as I got out. I could hear him banging at the door as I tried to get as far from the house as possible. There was the sound of something crashing and I remembered no more.

I woke up in the morning, flinching on finding someone near me. "Relax. It's a paramedic" my editor said from beside me. "What happened?" He asked. I was too dazed to think. "You were lucky. The floor collapsed into a hidden underground chamber which we did not see before." Said a police officer. "Besides, what were you doing here? We got a call from someone late at night saying there was something goin' on here" 

A week later, I visited Sarah's grave. I lay a few flowers on her grave along with her diary she named "Faith". Later that day, I typed the first draft of the story that I wanted to name as "Sarah". It was more of a revelation than a story. This was no longer something I was doing for my reputation. It was a tribute to Sarah for the pain and hardships she endured in her life. I reflected on how Sarah changed the person I was. I never believed in souls, or the afterlife but more than anything I knew she had saved my life. I had realized later on, there was a presence that night in the car wreck. It could have been her... Maybe she chose me to tell her story...

"May Sarah rest in peace and be gifted a better life after reincarnation." I stopped typing, closing my eyes, wishing I could get to see her someday. Someone knocked at the door. Stretching and yawning in the chair, I got up to get the door. The late afternoon sun gleamed outside the house. There was no sign of anyone in the near vicinity. Considering that I would have just imagined it after all the ordeal I had been through, I walked back to my room and to the computer.

I was freaked and couldn't believe my eyes when I looked at the screen. I looked around the room frantically but found no one. There, below the conclusion of my story, someone had typed in: 

"Some things you just have to take on faith"

Just for a moment...

I just wish for one more day... Just one more moment...

To say the things that I couldn't because I still need to learn to forget how to love you. I still need to forget how your shoulders would cradle my head, how I could feel the beating of your heart against my chest. I need to remember to forget your smile, the sweet scent of your hair, the funny expressions in your eyes...

I need to forget that first kiss, in the moonlit street, those warm arms wrapped around me. I need to know that I don't need to fight anymore, I don't need to pretend or hide anymore, because you are there. I need to fall asleep once more, knowing that there you are beside me, breathing love. I need to forget how I let go, unwillingly, thrashing every bit of my heart.

I just wish for one more day. One more moment, to undo everything, to say goodbye to you again and to turn back time from then on... Undoing the times we've fought, the times I've made you cry, reliving our blessed and lovingly intimate moments... To know what it was like to wake up in your arms... To go back to the moment I first met you, to fall in love with you all over again...

Just one more moment... A moment called lifetime...

25 things I've learned from Relationships...

1. There is no sense in mourning for something all your life. Just think of it this way, whatever you loved and ended up losing, was lost before you had the chance to see it become something else that you wouldn't love anymore. Move on. Respect it and let it remain a memory, not a shadow!
2. The world is not about just 'you'. There are a lot of other things in it. Other people's feelings included.  But it's also true that if you don't take care of yourself, no one else will! You need a balance. 
3. Most girls only need to be listened to. Your opinion is rarely ever required. If you opine, you're mostly in trouble. Why? Try this. Fill the blank with yes or no.  ____ I am a fool. 
4. There is no love at first sight. No, not up for debate. Love is about understanding and acceptance, neither of which exist at first sight. 
5. A rebound is always a rebound. Sooner or later either of you will realize that you two hooked up to replace your past breakups. What's following the realization is being total strangers. 
6. If a girl tells you that she doesn't believe in love or she hates love, she's just had a big breakup. If a guy says so, the odds are that he's interested in you but needs you to push. Look into their eyes! 
7. If persistence is working, she'll give you the signs early on and trust me, you will know. If not, you have been quarantined & friend zoned. Do not waste your time. Good Afternoon!
8. Nobody cares much about you unless they really have some feelings for you or you care for them or both!
9. Sympathy and pity might help in winning a girl over. But then, you aren't a real man!
10. Never judge a woman by what she wears. No, just don't. She is beautiful, no matter how ugly she looks. But that's no hard & fast rule!
11. Do not take people for granted. They have feelings too! 
12. If she truly appreciates & cherishes something simple for a gift, marry her!
13. Guys, never tell a girl she's being a bitch. When she cools down she'll come to you herself and say, "Honey, I've been such a bitch to you. I'm sorry". Savor the moment. 
14. Sometimes it happens that people share a large chunk of their sorrows with you, but later on, this makes you a part of the past that they are trying to forget. They slowly tend to push you away since you know too much about them and that makes them uncomfortable in some way. Move on, give them the space they deserve. They will always remember you. 
15. If someone you haven't met or don't usually cross paths with, likes confiding in you, it's not always because of affection or trust. Some people feel comfortable sharing things with a stranger, because they know you can in no way affect their lives or maybe gain your acceptance since you don't know the whole story.  
16. Love is like an investment. There's always expectations connected with it. It's normal since everyone has needs and nobody is Jesus. 
17. There is always a need for space, no matter how much you love each other. 
18. If he / she cannot fight for you, they don't deserve you. 
19. If someone marks you as an option, nothing you do can change that. Commitment is when someone accepts you for who you are, not because you are better than contestant 2. 
20. If someone says they miss you even when you're near them, it just means that everything is not the way it used to be. Something's wrong.
21. Everybody deserves a second chance. But only if they truly repent. And there's no sure way of knowing if they do! :) "Something's change while something's never do." ~ Morpheus 
22. Whenever you need someone badly in your life, stop to think whether it is because they had a place that you could give no one else, or because they simply filled a void in your life. In the latter case, work on yourself. In the former, give it time.  
23. Remember that brooding over someone who you broke up with, causes you to subconsciously place them at a higher position in your heart than what they once occupied. You will tend to see only the good in them and blame yourself for what went wrong, lowering your self esteem and slowing down your healing process. In the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger in terminator 3, "Don't do that!"
24. Never judge or make conclusions about people. Only make inferences. Inferences can be changed, conclusions cannot. It's human tendency. 
25. The truth in loving someone lies in having to let go... There is no love in holding people back from what they want. What's yours will always come back to you. 

Last of all, I read the following quote somewhere the other day, not sure who it's written by, but it's perfect... 

"Try not to confuse attachment with love. Attachment is about fear and dependency, and has more to do with love of self than love of another. Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn't about what others can give you because you’re empty. It is about what you can give others because you’re already full." ~Anonymous