Moving On...

Hey everyone... Thanks for visiting my blog and for all the support in the comments! I'm moving to a little personal space: www.vijayvm.com Hope to see you all there! Thanks!

Shadows in the Rain...

"Stay with me, don't fall asleep too soon" He whispered, wishing she'd hear him. The room plunged into silence as the song he was playing came to an end. In the distance, voices and laughter echoed from neighborhood homes...

Miles away... She was cold. Outside, the mercury was falling fast. She rummaged for some warmth within her soul, in its bits and pieces, for her heart was now just a muscle with an impulse and it seemed helpless against the cold. There was no sense of belonging about the home, just like all the men in her life, empty...  From those who eyed her to the one who bothered only about the disgrace from a called-off marriage rather than what she felt and then the guy who her dad pointed at; little too late had she realized that she should have said 'no' when she still had a chance. Down the line was a failed marriage, a fight and a miscarriage...  

The doorbell rang, disturbing her array of thoughts, her eyes sliding into focus from looking at the crevices in the ceiling. It was a package from work. She needed to get there. "Like they'd care if it’s a Sunday", she thought to herself. She stepped into the shower, closing her eyes and feeling the warmth of the water spread across her body. She wanted someone to hug her and simply tell her everything was alright. Nothing was wrong or just about everything was. She couldn't tell.

The office was empty, like she wanted it to be. The chair creaked as she dragged it to her table, punching in her password on her computer. Her cell phone held a few messages from people who complained about how disconnected she was. "Miss you" Oh she had seen that before from him. A friend who had been part of a past she couldn't forget. 'Lol' she wrote, not knowing what else to say. She didn't feel the need to acknowledge that he missed her. She knew how he felt about her. But she couldn't live up to anyone's expectations. "Thought you had slept", he replied. "Work. Work. Work" she replied.

Hours passed. The only sound was her typing furiously. "How long had she been there?" she wondered. Yawning and stretching, she sat back in her chair. She remembered a fine morning when he had called her first, referenced by a mutual friend. Weeks and months and they had connected well... She felt he was different. Someone who was far more respectable than most guys she had met in her life. But her fate had indeed been sealed before and there was no point bringing him into an equation of nothingness. Only discretely, he filled some void that fate seemed to always empty, but she felt safer denying to herself that he ever did. But without asking, he regarded her and remembered her for who she was...

The silence seemed overwhelming now. The ticking of the clock seemed like mini explosions to him. It was past midnight and he couldn't sleep. Cold air crept in from the gap under the main door. The scent of the earth accented rain. The lights turned off in each of the houses as he walked on, clad in a jacket, on a road seemingly stretched to eternity…

She thumbed down a cab to get to her home, drenched in the wait for one. The nasty weather seemed a good excuse for drivers to charge more. “To the subway then”, she sighed. Steam rose from the sewers in the street as if all of hell was beneath them. Streets seemed lifeless, devoid of its usual glamour in the mornings, now gaping at the crevices in the road filled with the blackness of the night.

The frozen steel handrail on the subway stairs gave her frostbite. She winced with pain as she inched closer to the ticket counter. Bleary eyed with the wind, she sat on the cold platform bench. The subway was almost empty this winter night, except some movement of the platform labors moving cargo and the coffee shop nearby that smelled wonderful. "Coffee!", she felt delighted. Someone quietly sat beside her at the corner of the bench, gazing at her. She felt weird. Despite her evident discomfort, the man continued to stare at her. She grabbed her purse and walked a little way closer to the station master’s cabin.

“You know, the streets are rough and you shouldn't be out this late at night on an empty station.” Someone said from behind her. She didn't have to turn. The voice was familiar. Not sure what to say, she remained silent. “5 Years, long time", he said. She turned around and tried to smile, her hair spreading behind her in the wind. “Yep. You look older than the pictures” she said. "Coffee?" he asked, holding out a cup. She took the cup almost immediately. The heat spread across her palm like the fog engulfing the winter night. She took a sip, the warmth was overwhelming, spreading into her with the sweetness of honey that she got lost for a moment. "Oh. I'm sorry, I..." She said, embarrassed that she didn't even ask about him. He smiled. 

The train arrived, hissing and bringing a gush of hot air into the station. She found this warmth a welcome relief. They got onto the train. He sat beside her, asking her about things, catching up with life in general. She preferred to respond briefly, looking outside from the window across them, at stations and at the tunnel they zoomed past. They remained silent till they reached the station.

They walked together. She had gotten rough, from everything life had to offer. And beauty sleep seemed a rare phenomenon these days. “So why is it you don’t reply to my messages? I tend to wait for your reply sometimes.” He asked, breaking the silence. “Don’t wait. Simple.” She remarked. He walked with her all the way home. “You've changed”, he said as she walked in and he stood at her doorway.

“Aren't you going to come in?” she asked, ignoring his earlier remark. He took off his shoes and walked in to the living room. She pressed the button on the kettle in the room, turning her back to him, engulfed in silence. “You know, I can’t be what everyone wants me to be.” She said, as if in an afterthought. “See, I don’t talk to you because I expect something from you. I talk to you because you are you and I love you the way you are... All I ever wanted was for you to be yourself with me, if I ever deserved it.” He said, calmly.

She walked into her room, sat down on her bed, staring down at the carpet. She didn't know who she was, amidst people who wished to customize her suiting to their needs. He stood at the doorway. “May I come in?” he asked. She remained silent. He looked into her eyes, holding her hands in his. You're cold" he said, rubbing her palms with his. "Don't. I can take care of myself. Thank you" She said, pulling her hands away...

He smiled. He put his arms around her, holding her close to him. Warmth spread into her as she could feel his heart against hers. Thawing the cold, her face seemed to return to its real color. His breathing seemed to tickle the hair at the back of her neck. She could feel it in the strength of his arms that he'd missed her... "Everything is going to be alright. I believe in you", he whispered in her ear. She closed her eyes. She felt the weight of her chest draining into his. She didn't know how long he had held her. There was a click of the kettle as the water boiled…

Gently kissing her cheek, he stood up to leave, assuring her that he'd be there if she needed anything. "You'll be around?" she asked, her words partly caught under her breath. "I never left", he said, smiling warmly. She watched through the window as he walked on, out into the rain. He hopped into the big puddles, splashing water like a little child. She wiped her window pane, clearing the fog that had settled on it. He then stopped and waved at her, little embarrassed about what she had seen him do. A tear glistened in her eyes and dried half way as it rolled down her cheek. "He likes rain", she remembered, smiling and waving back at him...