Being and Nothingness

There was a glow in her eyes as she walked by. I noticed as I ran along other pedestrians to look at her pretty eyes. The sky was a murky shade of blue and safron. The sun cast a amiable shade on to her, blending her into the dusk. . She was so beautiful. I had a feeling that even the sun liked her, as I walked on in the warmth of her shadow.

There was a sudden screech that blurred the sanctity of this perfect world. We fell to a corner of the street. It had been a hit and run...When my eyes slid into focus I noticed her walking away. People huddled around and I lost sight of her amongst the milling crowd.

I didn't know who she was… We were just two strangers at the crossing, together for a small window of coincidence. I couldn't let her go, for I might never meet her again. I ran up to her. There was grime on her face and her shoulder where she had fallen,  but she didn't seem to bother. Ambulances blared behind us, as they carried the hurt one’s to the nearby hospital. Apparently a motorist hadn't managed to stop at the right time.

“That was close”, I said to her, trying to spark up a conversation. It was cold and her face seemed pale. There were tears in her eyes, returning the color to her face, as they rode down her cheeks. She didn't say anything but sadly looked at the ground and walked on. She sat down on one of the benches in a nearby park, wiping her face in a velvetish cloth that she took from her bag. I sat down beside her but she ignored me, occasionally only looking at me when I was looking away. I knew this close accident had taken a toll on her, she needed her time.

I felt a strange connection, like I had known her for years in a past life or something, like my life had been blessed with her tender smiles all along. We went around the whole city, passing by shops doing window shopping, dodging people rushing along in their busy lives. It was cold, but we went to the sea shore. I sat beside the rocks while she threw stones at the sea, as if she was angry at it. After a while, I could tell she was tired. I gently held her hand as we walked back. I was glad she didn't mind.

It was late and time for her to go home and I had to be on my way too. I walked her to her place. She didn't say goodbye, she didn't smile. The door simply crashed against its frame and locks clicked into place. I sat outside her home on the staircase for a while, commemorating the moments of the day. I made plans on a conversation that I would have with her over coffee. There was a coffee shop just across the street. It was still open at this time of the night. 

The smell was welcoming. I didn't feel like having a coffee at this time, but sitting in the café thinking about her suddenly became my personal favorite. I was in love, I could feel it in my heartbeat. The lights in her room went off, I could see from the other corner of the street. I decided to go home and get some sleep.

The streets were almost empty at this hour. The moon shown its might against the dark asphalt as I hummed to myself on my way home. I noticed that the first editions of the early morning news paper were already out. I stood by the truck where they were unloading the stacks to a retailer. The front page held the news about the accident. The speeding motorist had crashed into the pedestrians. Several people were killed which included a young lady who had not been identified yet. It was weird that I didn't remember much about the accident, I had been too keen on following her.

I fell asleep on the couch almost as soon as I got home. When I woke up, it was almost afternoon. I rushed through the routine and grabbed something to wear from my wardrobe. Running all the way to her street and picking up flowers from a nearby store, I stood by the café waiting to cross to the other side. Nobody answered her door. I felt sad and angry at myself for being late.

A little while later, the door clicked. Someone elderly opened the door. His stern bloodshot eyes stared enquiringly "Hello", he said. I didn't even have her name to ask. “Sorry. I must have got the wrong door”, I blurted abruptly and left the building. Desperation seemed to seize me. I had to go back. I wanted to see her but I decided to come back in later.

 I sat at a table in the café, blankly staring at the newspaper. Something caught my eye. I turned to the page having the detailed report. Time seemed to have slowed down for me… Everything in the coffee shop seemed to pause, blurring out like being caught in a trance…

I was looking into her eyes as she walked by. The sky was a murky shade of blue and saffron  There was a glow in her eyes. She winked at the little children returning from school, she smiled at a little baby perching its face on its mother’s shoulder. Her hair swayed like a sweet lullaby, her slender arms cradled her little bag…

There was a screech, there was screaming and people crying. When my eyes slid into focus, I was on the ground and she was beside me, tending to me. There was a sharp pain in my head and my ears were ringing.  She tried to say something, I could see her lips but couldn't make out her voice, tears streaming from her pretty eyes. I held her hand but everything slid out of focus and I remembered no more…

The coffee shop suddenly slid back into my eyes. She was there, coincidentally sitting at my table in front of me, plaintively staring at the newspaper. The report held my name in the list of the demised… Her eyes were brimming with tears, as she gently wiped them in her velvet handkerchief. Her eyes lashes glistened as she closed her eyes, trying to steady herself.

She had finished her coffee and now got up to leave. I didn't try to say anything for I knew I wouldn't be heard. She couldn't see me or even know that I existed. I picked up the velvet cloth that she had left on the table. It held her sweet fragrance, moist with her tears.

The door opened and she disappeared into the blinding light ahead... 

I Waited...

I just wanted you to know that I waited...

I walked on to where we were once, as children, where the pearls of rain trapped in a cobweb was once beautiful to us; where the flowers tickled us as we walked beside them; where our footsteps echoed in the undergrowth... The reminisce of our little tree house was still there. You would always hide your favorite things in there, like pieces of metal and stones, like your little toe ring... I searched but didn't find anything but a silver spoon you had taken from my house... I always knew you had it, but you fought with me saying you didn't...

I went over to where you had your first fall. I still remember how you had cried over your hurt little finger. You wouldn't let me see it. You just cried...  The trees seemed to echo your sadness, the leaves whispered in unison to the wind, the day had suddenly seemed hot, flowers drooping as you wept...

I took you back home that day, as you clung to my back like my favorite school bag. You plucked flowers all along, occasionally bringing them close to my nose coz you found my sneezing to your amusement... We lay against the grass, looking up at the bright skies. And I promised you that someday I would come at night and take you to the terrace to see the stars...

I remember how we stood by the well at your house and threw stones into it, assuming it to be a wishing well and stones as coins. I remember how your mom chased us all around the house and how you got spanked and I cried for it...

I remember how you came home to hug me before you left; to somewhere below these hills and over the seas as dad explained to me that day. Years have passed and I don't know where you are. I only have a reminisce of your face and the smile you would give me with your half broken baby teeth.

I just wanted you to know that I waited... I waited every night on the terrace to show you the stars, I waited to grow bigger so that we didn't need a ladder to get up on the tree house. I waited so we would sit by the paddy fields and play. I waited for you to come home like you said you would...

I just wanted you to know that I'm still waiting...