A narrow beam of light spread across home as the sun came out from the caverns of darkness. It passed through the windows illuminating shades of motionless dust. A set of open books lay unattended on the table along with a broken pair of spectacles, a rusted kerosene lamp and bottles that held garlands of cobwebs and torrents of dust. They cast long shadows on the long, aged, oak table.
She tossed around in her bed trying to catch those last few moments of sleep before it would fade out to her daily routine… She’d never been able to sleep at night. She had never known why. “This isn’t home for me”, she thought like she does every morning, pushing aside her bed covers and wiping the sleep out of her eyes.
It was still quite early in the morning as she stood outside home, ready to go for work. The home was pretty well placed upon a hill top, rocky, yet, the steep was gradual. From behind the hills still covered with fog, at far sight the sun stood gleaming. She walked down, staring about absent mindedly at the colourful flowers that grew aside the narrow path. The world was beautiful from up here. The violet, the yellow, the blue… The colours were endless… On and on they swayed and rustled in the wind as she continued to walk downhill…
“Where had she to go?” She had to constantly remind herself. She had been lost in a world of her own. She walked all the way to her office, bracing herself for the hustle and bustle of the day. It had always been an irksome job to be an insurance provider company clerk. She’d wander away when people would go on blabbing about what all they didn’t get. That it was no benefit at all. She was used to all sorts of people: angry, agitated, miserable, uninterested, over enthusiasts and lots more. She was so used to being thwarted at, never even expecting a bit of gratitude from anybody…
She had been late, yet no one was at the office. Twisting the keys into the lock of the front door, she picked up the morning newspaper. It had been tattered and several pages had been torn off. "Great" She said to herself. The door creaked as if it hadn’t been opened for decades. She walked the narrow corridor down to her seat. Seated at her chair, under a forever rattling fan she turned through the rest of the pages of the newspaper; Politics, accidents and never ending advertisements… Why had life become so useless?
She went back to her usual absent mindedness; roaming far down her memory lane. Her childhood, her schooling years had been so beautiful. Her parents and her annoying brothers, she thought of them. Her dad had always been her best pal, yet, among the family she always kept a happy, strong face on the outside. She hid the softer side of herself from them.
Those were things years ago… Every weekend had been a party… Uncles, friends, cousins, nephews, neighbours, everybody used to join in to sing, play card games, caroms and the children had their own set of games. Even those group prayers were so wonderful. It would be birthday celebrations, farewell parties or just warm get-together’s on Christmas Eve’s. “Why had they all loved her so much?” she thought. Her brothers were such big pests, running around pulling her hair, kicking her and beating her up. She would do nothing in return except scream to mama. Mom, she’d always been lovingly stern.
Her friends at school, the way they’d loved her for bossing them around. The boys who had always been big brats, always into teasing and senseless talk, they would often turn up with reasons to simply say “I love u”. They would just do anything to see her smile. She wished she could be there again; back where she knew how it felt to belong to someone. Back where she could hear her brother’s fighting, back to where she could hug on to her friends, back to where she would always be kissed goodnight…
But she’d been living for them, her parents, working for them now. She reminisced the moments when she had to leave. Her ever fighting, quarrelling, yet loving brother’s stood speechless. Mom had been stern or was she crying? Dad? She didn’t even know how he felt. Her cousin sister, her really good pal had hugged her goodbye. Her uncles stood at the bus stop waving, one of them had not been there; he had left them all years ago. But he was always around in their hearts. She thought she’d seen him too, waving at her as she waved back until the clutches and gears of steel of that cruel bus carried her away.
She missed them; she missed them all so much…
“Madame…?”
She snapped out of her day dream, finding it hard to even find her voice.
“Yes…?” At last she managed.
It had been the security guard.
“Madame. Today is Christmas. Why have you come?”
“Err… I had some urgent letters to pick up to check them at home.” She blurted out suddenly realizing that she’s walked in to office on a holiday. The man nodded and walked away. He stopped half way down the corridor, smiled at her and said, “Merry Christmas Madame. You should go home.” She smiled weakly in return. She somehow felt thankful to this speck of kindness. After he was gone, she silently stood up from her desk, flinging the newspaper aside.
Her home, her life had been so lifeless, so terribly aimless, and so lone. Memories broke over her again as she walked on crying, past long streets, past homes with large Christmas trees past mom’s guiding little children through the busy street…
As she walked uphill to her home, she took notice of the pleasant sky, the beautiful flowers, and their modified colours in the setting sun. “Its true that it’s the mind that colours the eyes”, she thought. Everything felt like a dream. She seated herself below a tree; the air had been so sweet. Silently, she lay down on the cool ground, her head resting against the flowers. She stared up at the sky and a large tear drop fell from above. She continued to stare above her as it started to drizzle. For a moment, she felt like she had gone back several years, to the good old times.
A few moments later she stood up, comfortably wet but not yet drenched. “This is nature’s love for me”, she thought. Walking back, she opened her door. She sat down on her bed wiping her face in a ragged towel. The sun cast a dusky saffron colour into the room. The windows glistened in the light. It lingered for a few more minutes as little by little the light pulled away and it went all dark.
She walked over to the wardrobe searching for something in the darkness. Grabbing something in her hand, she silently walked over to her table. Moving out the cobwebs and rusty utensils, she placed the candle she’d found, onto an overturned jam bottle. In the silence, it sounded more like an explosion as she lit a match. Lizards, spiders shifted away noiselessly. She wanted to wake up from the sleep she’d been in for years. Gingerly, the candle’s wick caught fire. Staring at its bright light, her face broadened to a smile. She was beautiful. She looked at herself in an age tinted mirror; her eyes twinkling with tears… She whispered to herself, “Merry Christmas…”
